Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I didn't notice because vodka
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
