Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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