i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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