Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
