Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
