The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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