He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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