i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
