wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
