I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She's the barista slut.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
