That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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