Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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