My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
