guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
