My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
