Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
