I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
