doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
well I can't set my house on fire every night
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
