I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
