I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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