did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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