he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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