My hand turned me down
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i drank out of a bidet.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
