when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
