Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
