i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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