When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
