Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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