Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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