If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
