I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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