that's an acceptable place to lick
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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