Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
