you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
