You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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