Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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