Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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