You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
