I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
