Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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