My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
