Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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