I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
