dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
