I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
