hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
