Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
