If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
