who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
