Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
